Disclaimer: THIS POST WAS ABSOLUTELY INSPIRED BY MY REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES AND THE EXPERIENCES OF THOSE AROUND ME. I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF THIS AS WELL AS A PERPETRATOR. I FEEL it’s IMPORTANT TO GIVE THIS DISCLAIMER SO THAT IT IS NOT PERCEIVED AS SHADE OR AS ME PLAYING THE VICTIM. IF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT I INVITE YOU TO CONTINUE READING AND SHARE YOUR OPINIONS IN THE COMMENTS.
It would be remiss of me if I did not start this blog post without apologizing for the times I was the problem. Sometimes you don’t realize you’re doing something wrong until it’s being done to you. So let me take this time to apologize for not being there when it mattered to you but when it was convenient for me. I apologize for excusing poor behavior with “that’s just the way I am.” If there was ever a time you tried to tell me of my negligence as a friend and I became defensive before I attempted to acknowledge that you were justified in your feelings, I sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize. I want to take this time to let you know you were justified in your feelings and I know that now; again.. sometimes you don’t realize you’re doing something wrong until it’s done to you.
SO.. this “Real friends are friends who don’t speak all the time and NOTHING CHANGES” stuff is CANCELLED. Everyday is a lot but if you can go from speaking on a regular basis to speaking every once in a while things will change! For some people this is just an excuse to be an inconsistent friend and guilt people into accepting it. Friendship is A living thing, or at least that’s how I feel, and in order for it to grow, you have to nurture it.
LIFE HAPPENS… there will be times when you have your own stuff going on and you cant be as present as you’d like too; I know this all to well but true friends should be aware that you need some time or that you have to take a step back and they should not be taken by surprise when you are absent for a period of time. When you return from your hiatus you also have to acknowledge that there may be a disconnect and it may take some time to rebuild. What I have observed lately though, is people using this as an excuse for being inconsistent or not making time to maintain a friendship. Don’t get me wrong this might work for some but it does not work for everyone. I for one have learned that If this is your style of friendship then I am not the friend for you; or rather you are not the friend for me- and that’s okay.
Let’s also take this time to acknowledge that people grow apart. Let’s stop holding on to friendships that no longer meet our needs because “I knew you since since”. (Please stayed tuned for future post titled “equally yoked”). Friendships have seasons just like everything else. SO like an associate can be advanced to a friend and true friends can become family; friends can get demoted too and I think if more people acknowledged that they might treat friendships with more respect.
I am not the author of friendship, I did not attend friendship university and I can not tell you how to be one. But what I can dictate is how I want to be treated and what standards I have for friendship and you can too!
And to conclude, when a friendship ends or changes lets try to treat it with the same amount of dignity that we should have had while it went on especially if we maintain mutual contacts. When asked about someone who is no longer your friend no need to give details “we no longer speak” or “I’m not sure how they’re doing” is more than enough. BUT if you insist on giving details MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH!!!! (That was a personal point) but seriously its only fair! Nine times out of ten the person you’re talking to knows both parties so you can omit the role you played if you want to but they know your ways.
Again, I’ve been the poor friend” and I’ve been the one that was treated poorly. Honestly, I still have some areas to work on and I still have some apologies to hand out. I also have accepted some apologies I will never receive and some I’ll receive when its to late and that’s okay.
I hope if you’ve gotten this far into the post it encourages you to take the time to look at the kind of friends you have, the kind of friends you want but most importantly the kind of friend you want to be.
PLEASE Comment your thoughts opinions and experiences below!