Desire to be Desired

Robert frost said, “Love is the irresistible desire to be desired”. While I don’t agree that this a definition for love I surely know there is some truth in this statement. We all at some point in our lives if not always have the desire to be desired. We all want to be wanted. 

This extends beyond intimate relations and can be true in social relationships and work relationships. No one wants to feel useless or unwanted in whatever role they are playing.

What I mean when I say I want to be desired is that I want to feel wanted, needed, useful. As a mother I want to feel like my child needs me, as an employee I want to feel useful in the office and as a woman, I want to feel wanted, needed and useful to my man. My desires aren’t limited to this but you get the picture.

Some people’s need to be desired may manifest itself in unacceptable or outlandish behavior and while  I am in no way condoning these behaviors I’d be lying if I didn’t say I know where the root of some of these emotions come from. You know how the saying goes “bad attention is better than no attention” for some.

Sometimes I have to look at myself from two perspectives. On the one hand, I have to look at myself and my relationships and ask myself a few questions. Am I letting the important people in my life know that they are desired? Do they know that they are important, wanted and needed? If not I then ask myself why the dynamics of that relationship have changed. Has it run its course? Am I neglecting this person’s desire to be desired because I don’t desire them anymore? (read that again… It makes sense I promise). The answers to these questions should shape the future of that relationship; as much as I don’t like my time wasted I hate to waste other people’s time.

Then there’s the other hand, I look at my own need to be desired. Am I feeling useful, wanted and needed in my relationships. Sometimes you can just see where you are not feeling useful and make improvements but then there are the times when you feel like you’re giving your all, you’re about as good as you can be and still nothing. You don’t feel wanted, you don’t feel needed, you don’t feel useful….. So what do you do?

Well today, I’m here to tell you…

I don’t have the answers.

I do not have any advice on that.

I can not help you!

If you have the key to leave it in my comments slide it in my dm’s and send a smoke signal.

LOL, I’m kidding (I’m not kidding). But what I can tell you is that its a reality you just may need to face. Some questions you may need to ask and some answers that might break your heart! But that’s okay! Its good to know where you stand and if your desire to be desired cannot be satisfied in the position you are in then that may mean that a change must take place. Try not to change yourself too much because if you do, are they really desiring YOU?

5 thoughts on “Desire to be Desired

  1. Aijha says:

    Loved this blog ! Key element I’m glad you touched on. “Am
    I neglecting this person’s desire to be desired because I no longer desire them”. I love that because I think that can also be used as a self reflection. Am I going out my way to crave this attention because this person just no longer desires me? And how can I learn to be at peace with no longer being desired by someone I desire?… If I ever was desired . .


  2. Kisha says:

    We are desire it is the essence of the human Soul, the secret of our existence. Absolutely nothing of human greatness is ever accomplished without it. Not a sympathy has been written, a mountain climb ,an injustice fought, or a love sustained apart from desire. Desire fuels our search for life we prize. ” John Elderidge”

    We all have desires in life. But when it come to relationship then desire becomes more than just that. It implies strong intention. That’s fine because we all want to be desired by someone or something.


  3. Andretti says:

    Dare to be desired, misplaced desire can lead to more disappointment then one could imagine. Desire to be desired by those whose love match thy own.


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